I am a workaholic friendship and stay away from me
Talk to the heroine: Luo Li (pseudonym), a 28-year-old architectural designer who has been working for 5 years. I feel particularly tired recently. I can’t sleep at night, I can’t wake up in the morning, I feel weak, dizzy, it is difficult to focus, and my memory has decreased.
Half a month ago, she continued to have a low fever, and she also had puffiness.
The doctor said that I was overworked and asked me to quit work and rest more.
Recently, the unit launched the EAP (Employee Psychological Assistance Program). The manpower supervisor said that I was under too much work pressure, so I was introduced to consult.
My childhood ambition was to be a female architect. My parents were both workers, working with workshops, lathes, and parts all day, and returning home with the smell of oil.
The parents of three shifts are rarely at home at the same time. Even if they are not at work, they are resting and they basically do not communicate with me.
In order to achieve a better education for me, my parents put me in Shanghai’s uncle’s family since junior high school.
He is a first-level registered architect of a large-scale design institute. His aunt is a high school language teacher. His cousin is 5 years old. When I came to Shanghai to study in the first year, he was only in the second grade.
The atmosphere at home is very harmonious, and everything is discussed, never arguing and respecting me.
Every night, my grandmother’s study level is very good. My aunt prepares lessons, and I look at the drawings. My brother and I write the homework quietly.
Maybe it was due to the influence of the rampant. For the college entrance examination, I chose the major of architectural design because, in my opinion, the architect is a beautiful and decent job.
I never want to live like my parents again. My ambition is to be a female architect.
Only after entering college did I know that there are very few girls studying architecture.
There are 35 people in the class, and there are only 5 girls.
But this did not affect my enthusiasm for learning. As soon as I entered school, I eagerly entered the ocean of books in architecture.
The boys respected me and said that I definitely had the potential to be a strong woman.
And I know that their true wish to “respect and stay away” is that I am not beautiful, and therefore, I have to study hard in exchange for confidence.
The year I graduated, I was fortunate to have entered a well-known design institute, which attracted envy of countless students.
I am a typical workaholic who says that women are not suitable for this profession. They work on computers all day, modify, stay up all night, go in and out of construction sites, have meetings, the workload is so large, and the rest time is difficult to guarantee. Women must be overwhelmed.
But I do n’t believe that men can do it, why ca n’t women do it?
When I first came to work in the hospital, in order to take care of me, the director deliberately arranged a relatively alternative job for me. I was very unhappy and asked the director to treat them equally.
Once, on the same project, the director asked me and my colleague Xiao Zhang to make drawings separately. I was very happy, and my heart was overjoyed: I can finally show my skills.
For that picture, I slept 3 or 4 hours every night for a week, and in my dreams I was thinking about how to express design creativity, but in the end I failed.
Although I pretend to be indifferent on the surface, it is difficult to balance my heart.
Looking at my crow’s face and the crow’s feet that creeped up from the corner of my eyes, I had no choice but to lament the ruthless years.
I can only work secretly, hoping that next time I can come up with a design that will make my colleagues catch the eye.
I secretly told myself: Only by working harder can I catch up with my colleagues.
I worked out a work study plan. When I didn’t work overtime in the evening, I read related books for three hours and the building code for half an hour.
When I want to be lazy in the first place, I will warn myself: Be sure to do well and not be despised by colleagues.
After a long period of tension and stress, I found myself a working machine.
Even on weekends, I can’t let go of my work, I always think about work, I’m uneasy, and I’m not interested in any way of entertainment and leisure. I can only be thorough when I see the drawings.
The hard work brought me rapid growth and development. I got a second-level registered architect and was promoted to a group leader of the project. There are 5 subordinates and all men.
Looking at the achievements I have made step by step, my inner satisfaction is enough to make me forget the hard work.
I often compress myself, and more and more care about others’ evaluation and approval of my work, this kind of care makes me more desperate.
I have no time to take care of friendship. After my love work is stable, my parents start to worry about my marriage and always call me to find my boyfriend.
Last year, my aunt colleague introduced me to a boyfriend who engaged in IT. I felt pretty good about him and decided to socialize.
However, during that period of time, I was extremely busy with work, often working overtime, and didn’t have time for dating at all.
When the project was over and I wanted to have a good relationship, I caught up with him on a business trip.The date is always unfortunate, and I am as busy as he is.
In this way, the love ended silently before it began.
Since then I have gone on a date several times, either I am not satisfied or the other party is dissatisfied, and occasionally both parties are satisfied, and I dare not touch love again.
Love is not satisfactory, and friendship is not as good as before.
After graduating from college, the few girlfriends now have fewer contacts.
I found that I couldn’t adapt to their rhythm: Slowly eating dessert, drinking coffee, and talking about my parents’ West family short, it was great.
I must admit that I lost a lot while getting something.
My girlfriends of the same age have all gone home, and I’m still single.
I am distressed by the lack of love and friendship, but I will be more depressed if I do not work.
For these reasons, I am even more fascinated by the value that work brings to me.
I feel more and more that I can’t stop in the state of work. Only work can make me feel fulfilled. Only when I am praised can I feel that my life is very likely.
What should I do?
● Family DNA analysis is missing. Focus on childhood. Luo Li was fostered in a relative’s family since he was a child. He did not get enough love from his parents. It is impossible to get the full attention of another child’s family.What is missing, what is missing, naturally what you need to get in the future.
As an adult, she longs for more attention, and after being successful, she can be surrounded by more eyes, gain more attention and affirmation. Luo Li enjoys this feeling.
Because of this, she has been so focused and focused on the road to work.
Although Luo Li’s parents were workers, although they did not live with her daughter, their parents had very high expectations for her.
Because they regret that they live in that social background and cannot realize their life wishes, they are also the missing generation. Luo Li is shouldering the unfinished wish of two generations and repaying the two generations’ reaction to the lack.
How to get satisfied?
She did not get enough learning experience in family and love, she must balance in other aspects.
The more maddened people, the less secure they are. This is the manifestation of competition among each of us. However, the harder and more maddened people are, on the surface, very powerful. In fact, their offensiveness hides insecurity.Fawn.
Because they are afraid of losing, they keep running.
Over time, they are like a frightened fawn, and even the cheetah behind them stopped chasing, the fawn still couldn’t stop, because it was self-implication: only running I would be safe, only running I would not lose my life, or other mostPrecious things.
Luo Li and other white-collar workers with job dependence are just like deer. They give away from reality, leading to exhaustion of the body’s tired mind, and finally lose love, friendship, and affection.
However, as they get older, their bodies become weaker, and the potential value they didn’t pay attention to begins to show up.
This is also the trajectory of everyone’s development: from family to society, and finally return to family.
Readers are advised to understand from the perspective of developmental psychology that the most aggressive age group is indeed the most suitable for work, but at the same time, it is also the most suitable for forming a family and having children, without hindering these things, and then gradually looking for life and work.Of balance.
Quitting the “poisonous” job for Luo Li has become a haven for her to evade herself and her relatives and friends. Perhaps her work has been too smooth. Luo Li did not try to find the missing relationships, but continuedAddicted to work.
Gradually, some daily interpersonal relationships began to become difficult for her.
Generally speaking, inferior children tend to refuse to associate with each other, because they often play injured roles in the crowd, and sensitive people can easily feel the disregard of others.
So getting pleasure in a relatively boring job and indulging in it is like being poisoned by work.
It is recommended that Luo Li reorganize his work plan and not let himself have only career goals and no life goals.
In fact, everyone should have their own life plans, and when they fall in love, get married, have children, and retire, there must be a rough alternative.
Gu Kaiyu: Chief counselor of Shanghai Xinchao Psychological Counseling Center, chief health expert of Shanghai EAP (Employee Assistance) website, Sino-German psychoanalytical therapist, cognitive behavioral therapist.
Good case accumulation and experience of symptoms of obsessive-compulsion, anxiety, fear, depression, etc. The total time of psychological consultation is 3,500 hours.
● Psychological Tips What is “work dependence”?
That is to say, due to long-term work pressure and mental stress, I feel uncomfortable when leaving the work environment.
Work dependence, manifested in any environment in the workplace, taking work as the only center of life, only when you feel you are full and valuable; you cannot have the work you stopped;It is easy to feel tired, tedious, unable to help, and mistakenly believe that only by being recognized at work can you have value.
Specific ways of expression: The mobile phone is not turned off for 24 hours, and the laptop computer is not left for a while; seeing colleagues are doing great work, they are anxious, and want to catch up as soon as possible; they are also busy at home on work days; they are not attentive when hanging out with friends;Words do not leave work, and so on.
Work is a state in which a person is working for basic survival. This state is better in another state?
Of course it is competent and pleasant.If a person is overly dependent on work, and the work becomes crazy, and there is no other than work, it is a terrible state.
Normally, there is a more scientific load measurement for work intensity.
That is, in a certain unit of time, how much work a labor force should do.
For example, the eight-hour work day and the five-day work day are available on New Year’s Day, Chinese New Year, May Day, National Day and other holidays.
● Workplace EQ improves job dependence and restores life balance. While it is important, but not the only one.
Imagine that if you are addicted to work, there are no other hobbies and leisure activities, or even family and friendship, there is no time to take care of it. It is bound to destroy health, sacrifice friendship, refuse to love, and affect the family.
Say “no” to job dependence rationally for the success and development of your career.
Slow down, adjust your pace, enjoy life and experience life fully.
Only in this way can we help you to reach another peak in life.
The suggestion of Director Gu Kaiyu of Shanghai Xinchao Psychological Counseling Center is: 1. When you are not working, focus on what you have and people on the current person is a kind of concentration.Can find fun in it.
When doing anything other than work, you have to meditate. This can bring you fun and energy. It is also a meditation method to help you focus.
2. Plan your work escape plan. After cleaning up your work every day, you should determine what you want to do later, and arrange temporary activities outside of work in your plan.
After you write down what you want to do, attach your reasons for doing it.
For example, after working, I have to find a lover to date, because the satisfaction and happiness brought by a lover is not found in work.
3. Reflect and ask questions to find a quiet place without any interference.
Take a few minutes, close your eyes and focus on your breathing.
Then ask yourself: Why am I so dependent on work?
What do I want to get?
We are intelligent beings, and we all understand what is recognized.
When you ask yourself this question, it will become that you are using your work as an excuse to not do other things that should be done, and work sometimes becomes our best escape.